I spent over three hours last night reading every letter I've gotten and looking at every picture I've taken to get developed in the last 3 years. Probably not the wisest thing I could have done, considering the thriving status of my homesickness right now. But it was wonderfully refreshing to read and see those things. Especially having read the letters in chronological order, I've realized how much my friends have changed over time. And it makes me realize how much I've changed. I know that life can be difficult to deal with sometimes, and sometimes I feel so uncomfortable and out of place that I just want to jump into my pictures, back to a time where my worries now didn't exist and all that mattered was that my friends and I were together. But I also know that the toughest problems bring the sweetest resolution. I can't say right now, but I'm pretty sure this trip is going to be amazing. I've had a bit of a rough start, but I'm ready to move on and really allow myself to love my life, as it is TODAY.
I also had the chance tonight to have a good heart to heart with my host mom. She and I don't have much in common, but we seem to have hit it off. We talked about everything from travelling to teaching, food to family, birthdays to ballerinas. I even opened up to her about how homesick I have been feeling. And she was able to comfort me, assure me that homesickness is bound to happen no matter where you go. But you can't let yourself get stuck in the mindset that you're life won't be okay until you're home again. You have to seize the day, appreciate the opportunities that are given to you and take advantage of everything you can. She said she loves to travel, just like me. But everytime she goes somewhere, she misses home, even if she's only gone for a week. But she pushes through her sadness and reminds herself of how fortunate she is to be wherever she is, in whatever situation she might find herself. She doesn't let herself be sad for too long. She has given me very sound advice; I hope I can follow her example.
Marina (my host mom) gave me the same advice my mother would have given me, had I had the opportunity to call and talk to her. There's something about mothers (even if that mother doesn't really belong to you) that just makes everything okay. What a blessing :)
I get homesick STILL in Provo. Each time I see a package of disgusting rubber tortillas, the temperature drops bellow 50 degrees, or somebody says the words "bonfire" or "camping," I want to go home to the great state of Arizona, but I also love Provo, so sometimes when I'm in Arizona I miss it. Weird huh! Well I hope you can feel better. When I was in the MTC, Elder Holland said, "I hope you have homesickness! Then you can know, on a tiny scale, how our Heavenly Father feels for us every moment!" That was during Thanksgiving, when I was extremely homesick! I really need to write you more often...instead of just comment. P.S. I totally know what you're talking about with the smoke/urine/BO smells! THAT is why when I flew into the United States I thought it smelled like candy...You would never know how much you loved the USA if you were never gone! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first caught a whiff of the way the air smells here, the first thing I thought of was when you told me that America smelled sweet when you got home. I absolutely know what you meant now.
ReplyDeleteAnd I get homesick in Provo, too. But I get even more homesick when I'm in Washington. So I think I choose Provo. I can't wait to go back and share all of my adventures with you. Thanks for being a good friend, Vance. I hope school and everything is going well. I miss our weekly dinner/movie nights and hearing about your life. (I think I'm going through some serious gossip withdrawls right now, haha.)