C O L D

Imagine, if you will, getting dressed in the morning. How long does it take you? Five minutes, if that? I used to think nothing of getting dressed. Now, I basically have to plan my day around it. It's an EVENT.

Let me explain what I mean: In Russia, as in most places I've been to, it is very cold in the winter, and it's important to bundle up to stay warm. However, a Russian winter takes the term "bundle up" to a whole new level. Getting dressed in the morning takes me roughly 20 minutes, on a good day. I'm exhausted by the end of it, sweating quite a bit from the forehead, which sweat turns into ice crystals if I don't think to wipe it away before I go outside.

Dressing oneself during a Russian winter is something of an art, I've found. Here's how I usually go about it: Always dress the bottom half first. That includes leggings, tights, long johns, and jeans (in that order). Then, the socks. Two pairs of normal socks and a pair of wool ones over those, into which the jeans must be tucked. Seeing as I only own flare-legged jeans, this can take a while. Next, we move on to the top half. Two tank tops AT LEAST, to keep the core temperature up. Undershirt, long-sleeved shirt, sweater, and two hoodies. Then, the little winter wardrobe accessories: two scarves (one wrapped tight around the neck and face, one draped over the body and neck and tied in the back), fluffy hat (must cover ears!), and two pairs of gloves (and, of course, it's never enough to keep your hands from freezing, so you must remember to keep your hands in your pockets at all times). Oh! I forgot. Before you adorn the winter accessories, you first have to turn your iPod on and put your headphones in. With two pairs of gloves between your fingers and the touch screen, the only way to work an iPod is with your nose, which is difficult and embarrassing. Believe me, I know. Before putting on the heavy winter coat you must first put on your boots because if you put your coat on first, there's no way you'll be able to bend over to assist your feet, socks, and jeans into the boots themselves without tearing the inner lining of your coat. Again, believe me, I know. Anyway, once you put on your boots and coat, you should be ready to go.

This process shouldn't take me as long as it does, but I'm a forgetful person in the mornings, and I often forget one of the steps toward the beginning, causing me to undo everything and start the whole process over.

It's a tedious thing, these Russian winters. And boy, are they chilly.

"Freezing" doesn't even begin to cover the amount of cold I feel right now. I don't mean just in Russia; I mean ANYWHERE. Back home, the temperature gets below 50 degrees, and we blast the heat. The temperature in Moscow at the moment is a balmy 15 degrees (but it feels like 2 when you're outside with the constant 10mph wind chill). And here I am, sitting in someone's living room, hoping the blood in my veins doesn't freeze solid. I'm colder now than I was walking outside; at least out there I've got layers. I want to walk to the front door and put more clothes on, but I'm afraid my hosts would think it odd of me to reach for my hat and scarf when I'm already so layered with clothes that I can barely bend my legs or fold my arms.

I shouldn't complain, though. Today has been MUCH warmer than it was only a few days ago. Wednesday brought the coldest temperature I have ever (and likely WILL ever) endured: -15 degrees. That's Fahrenheit, by the way. I was sure my nose was going to fall off that day.